NEWS FLASH: LOVE IS DEAD

I've given up on love. It is, after all, only an unattainable illusion. I mean if two beautiful, intelligent, wholesome kids like K-Fed and Britney can't make a go of it in this wacky world, what hope is there for the rest of us? This was not just A love affair; it was THE love affair that defined a generation. Our only true happiness in life was the vicarious joy we felt when meditating upon K-Fed and Britney. Now it has all been crushed.

I fear that this horrible turn of events is all my fault. After all, I dressed up as K-Fed for Halloween. To the Fates who decide these things, I apologize. I offer the rest of my humble life on earth as atonement for my grievous fault.